I keep waiting for the day when I will finally get-it-together as a mother. For years I have looked at other mothers and wondered when I would be as good at mothering as they are. Today, I realize that my life is as it was intended to be. I'm not supposed to have-it-all-together.
I think about my seven children and how frustrating it is to train them all up in everything from righteousness to personal hygiene. I seem to always be a step behind in life, never completely on top of things. BUT, I think about having 1 or 2 or even 4 or 5 children and I am certain I could run a pretty dang good house with that many. Juggling life with only a few would be a breeze to me now, but it sure as heck wasn't when I had that many. It was a struggle every day, learning how to handle the 2-yr-old tantrums, loads of laundry, and hair pulling, etc. That stuff seems like cake now. When a few of the children are out of the house and I only have 3 or 4 I marvel at how calm the house seems.
The Lord blesses us with just a little more than we really know how to do so that we will learn how to do it. If I had the same struggles today that I did 7 or 8 years ago I would feel great that I knew how to handle them but I wouldn't be growing at the rate I need to. I wouldn't be as dependent on the Lord. It is when our arms seem strong that we rely on them. When ours are weak we lean on God's arms.
I love how Nephi puts it in 2 Nephi chapter 4. He aches to be a better man than he is. He wants to do the Lord's will and serve Him but recognizes how weak he is. There have been so many nights that I have knelt and prayed as the tears flowed down my face because of my own weakness. I have sat on the porch looking up at the stars and cried out loud, "Heavenly Father, what am I doing?! How in the world did I get myself into this mess?! I am not up to this! I don't know what to do!!!"
But eventually, I stop looking at what I can do and remember that He has promised I don't have to do it alone. In fact, He will give me all the power and knowledge I need if I will just ask...
2 Ne 4:34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.
I don't have to know it all, do it all, be it all, because HE knows, does, and is ALL.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Why Are These Things Not Recorded?
Perhaps the day will come that the Savior will point out the experiences of my life and ask, “Wasn’t that important? Significant? Sacred?” And when I agree, perhaps he will say, “Why are these things not recorded in your journal?” ~Michael K. Parson (Ensign Oct 89)
June 13, 2013 Nauvoo
We arrived home from Nauvoo in the early hours of this morning after driving all the night before. We only meant to spend Tuesday night in Nauvoo, but as I said my prayers that night I had a strong impression that we should stay longer. I thought of the promise that Elder Bednar gave to the youth in the last General Conference. He said that as youth engage in family history work and experience the spirit of Elijah they will be safeguarded against the temptations of the adversary. We need that help. I felt that we needed to stay so the children could come to know the pioneers better and start to care about them more, feel closer to them. I am so grateful we stayed! It was a beautiful experience for our family.
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